In a lovely show of affection, I drove north on I-15 this morning amid Monday morning rush hour traffic to deliver my mother curbside at the Salt Lake International Airport. Armed with my AM talk radio helicopter-in-the-sky every-ten-minute traffic report I believed we would make it to our destination without incident. Which we did. But that is in no way a credit to the gridlock guru.
Repeatedly throughout the two hours I was on the road, I was told by the way-too-cheerful-for-a-Monday-morning chopper voice that traffic on 1-15 was flowing with "pockets of slowing from Orem to Ogden." If you are not familiar with Utah geography, that is about a 75 mile range of freeway that covers three different counties. My guess is that traffic description could be used to describe a 75 mile stretch of virtually any metropolitan freeway system on a sunny Monday morning.
I am so indignant about the vague traffic summary that I am seriously wondering if the "eye in the sky" is not actually some peach on a beach. In fact, I'm certain she is there. She's got the wide rimmed sunglasses and a big floppy hat. Most assuredly she is mid way though Eclipse (Twilight Book 3) as she pauses to cue the helicopter blade swooping sounds and present via cell phone her regular report i.e. "pockets of slowing from Orem to Ogden" repeatedly throughout the morning.
And somehow, even though she is certainly hundreds of miles away on a Caribbean holiday, she knew when I had turned around this morning, because as I was driving home, now heading south on I-15, her traffic report changed only slightly as she announced "pockets of slowing as you make your way from Ogden to Orem."
While there may indeed be pockets of slowing on the freeway this morning, I am predicting my traffic tell-all lady has only got pockets of sunscreen with a hint of sand.
Repeatedly throughout the two hours I was on the road, I was told by the way-too-cheerful-for-a-Monday-morning chopper voice that traffic on 1-15 was flowing with "pockets of slowing from Orem to Ogden." If you are not familiar with Utah geography, that is about a 75 mile range of freeway that covers three different counties. My guess is that traffic description could be used to describe a 75 mile stretch of virtually any metropolitan freeway system on a sunny Monday morning.
I am so indignant about the vague traffic summary that I am seriously wondering if the "eye in the sky" is not actually some peach on a beach. In fact, I'm certain she is there. She's got the wide rimmed sunglasses and a big floppy hat. Most assuredly she is mid way though Eclipse (Twilight Book 3) as she pauses to cue the helicopter blade swooping sounds and present via cell phone her regular report i.e. "pockets of slowing from Orem to Ogden" repeatedly throughout the morning.
And somehow, even though she is certainly hundreds of miles away on a Caribbean holiday, she knew when I had turned around this morning, because as I was driving home, now heading south on I-15, her traffic report changed only slightly as she announced "pockets of slowing as you make your way from Ogden to Orem."
While there may indeed be pockets of slowing on the freeway this morning, I am predicting my traffic tell-all lady has only got pockets of sunscreen with a hint of sand.
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I'll track her down. She was probably on an Aussie beach, delivering her traffic reports by satellite phone!
ReplyDeleteTHAT is why I generally don't listen to the radio (except NPR when because I'm so urbane and have that soupçon of left-winged-tree-hugger as an integral part of moi). That and I want to chose the order of songs and skip some altogether.
ReplyDeleteAnd I've always found the phrase "eye in the sky" really creepy.
Oh, how many time I've been stuck in the deep "pockets,"
Sometimes Commuter Kate of Le monde de fromage de Kate
I can slighty remember bad traffic from a few visits to Melbourne as a child but apart from that, I cant really comment. It was nice of the chopper lady to personalise it just for you though.
ReplyDeleteOoooh, I used to HATE that when I lived in London! Every day that eye in the sky smugly confirming that, yup, it's total gridlock again folks..
ReplyDeleteMost of my traveling days were spent listening to "Joe Green and the BZ Copter" He was my guy! I loved to listen to him even if he was in the Carribean sucking down a pina colada when he was giving all us the traffic report. What does ,Thickly Settled mean? I could never figure that out.
ReplyDeleteYou're right, for the most part, though it's not a beach. Many of the traffic reporters these days are ensconced in a studio reading from a variety of monitors which show a video feed of certain areas. There are very few actual copters.
ReplyDeleteDavid,
ReplyDeletePlease do track her down! Keep me posted.
Kate,
ReplyDeleteYou are so urbane. Love it!
Pope Terry,
ReplyDeleteYes, she must have her eye on me.
Carol,
ReplyDeleteThat is so not helpful!
Joanne,
ReplyDeleteThickly settled, huh? I have no idea what that means, but it doesn't sound good!
Suldog,
ReplyDeleteAnd I suppose next you are going to tell me there is no such thing as Santa Claus either!? What a cynic!
i think i want her job. do you think you could figure out how to do a mother's job from the beach in the Caribbean?
ReplyDeleteYou really know how to take an everyday event and make it entertaining and funny. "some peach on the beach" - love it!
ReplyDeleteMichal,
ReplyDeleteTelecommuting as a mother - not sure it would work at all. Sorry.
Chewy,
ReplyDeleteThat is all I've got to work with. Everyday events.