Thursday, April 5, 2007

My Albertsons Loves Me

Getting anything in the mail other than an account statement or credit card offer is rare. In our family, I've declared that all fake credit cards that appear in the mailbox belong to S2. He’s been collecting them for nearly two years and has a stack six inches tall. Don’t worry, I know what you’re thinking and yes, I will be selling the collection on eBay to pay for his college. D2 gets all the stickers. While they are not as prolific as the fake credit cards, they are understandably more fun. We will not be able to sell them on eBay though because they have been put to good use all over bedroom furniture, kitchen appliances, car windows and my unsuspecting back. Be certain, that while S1 and D1 do not have any designated mail benefits, I am not playing favorites. These continual gifts bestowed by the mail lady are small tokens of compensation S2 and D2 receive for being the middle, oft-ignored children.

Needless to say whenever I receive real mail I get a little tipsy with excitement. Like yesterday when Albertsons wrote me. The letter was very grand indeed. It began by [thanking me] for being one of [their] very best customers. You know, I do patronize Albertsons grocery store regularly, and I spend more in a month than most people spend on their mortgage. The letter makes a surprising assumption though as it is hoped that [I] will continue to choose Albertsons for all of [my] shopping needs. While it could be possible, do I really look like I buy my shoes, makeup, clothing and furniture at Albertsons along with my groceries? The letter goes on to suggest that if [I] have any special requests…Hmmm… I’m guessing they are referring to things like vallet parking or radio stations – do you think they’d crank up the volume and blare Dr. Laura? …or just need assistance…Uh oh, busted! They’ve obviously noticed how unruly it is when I bring S1-D3 to the store with me.... I shouldn’t hesitate to give [them] a call...or time I visit.

Now that is dandy! So incredibly dandy, in fact, the letter is almost perfect. If only it had included one of those fake credit cards. Or some stickers.


  1. Michelle Thurgood (sister)April 5, 2007 at 12:15 PM

    Now that is a great idea! I remember how loved I felt when Dad started the time honored tradition of giving me (the D4, oft-ignored middle child) the wish bone each Thanksgiving. He clearly stated each year when my five siblings would start to complain about the injustice that the beloved bone was to be given to me to help compensate for all the woes brought on by being the middle child.

    Thank-you for reminding me of the special considerations I should be giving my own S2.

  2. Wish bones, fake credit cards, stickers from mail order CD companies....What other free junk can we pass off as treasure to our children?

  3. Bills??They can have them (and pay them).

    I think that as part of the grocery store assiste(a?)nce that should be rendered is childcare-free of course. That way we wouldn't be tempted to abandon our carts to escourt delinquents back home.

  4. 've heard that grocery store child care actually exists in Arizona - I'm so jealous of the desert dwellers.

  5. Aaaahh-not fair! If they can have child care, we should too!


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