David recently observed that while the average Australian walks 900 miles a year, and drinks 22 gallons of beer a year, that must mean the average Australian gets about 41 miles per gallon.
Now, I don't know 'bout you all, but my rig doesn't get anywhere near that kind of mileage. Not even close. And since there seems to be no end to the raping and pillaging oil companies are willing to do for obscene profits, (are you impressed with my calm neutrality on this subject?) I'm game for something different.
I could drive a Toyota Prius. With "comfortable" seating for five, DH and I fit (sort of) in front, and the three girls could mash together in the back. But where does that leave S1 and S2? DH says my idea for lawn chairs (with seat belts, of course) strapped to the roof top would be too dangerous. I know the boys would be game, and I think DH is overreacting. But, I'm guessing the roof top seating would disturb the car's aerodynamics and depreciate my gas mileage.
So Plan B is to drive an Australian. It is winter Down Under right now, so it might be pretty easy to coerce one of them into coming to Utah. And there must be at least one Aussie that would prefer a sledding party Christmas to a beach party Christmas.
Okay, that may be going too far. But who says I couldn't give the Australian the Christmas week off to visit Queensland, or wherever they may call home? I mean the "holiday" week off. Or is it Hanukkah? Kwanzaa? Boxing Day? Whatever.
While being without my Australian for the winter break might be a downer (ha! get it - Down Under - downer), there is an upside to driving one. Mainly, all the beer I'd be storing in the garage. They run on that, remember?
I'm not a beer drinker, but I figure cases and six packs of the lager sitting around, will really give my neighbors something to talk about.
And the possibilities don't end there. If I run out of Bath and Body Works Nutrient Rich Foaming Bath in Lavender, I could grab a bottle of Tooheys from the garage, dump it in my tub, and voila! Pure bath time bliss. Speaking from experience, if you have never bathed with beer, your skin is the one that is suffering.
Ya know, I may be trading in the old berry-stained-carpet Yukon after all.
Now, I don't know 'bout you all, but my rig doesn't get anywhere near that kind of mileage. Not even close. And since there seems to be no end to the raping and pillaging oil companies are willing to do for obscene profits, (are you impressed with my calm neutrality on this subject?) I'm game for something different.
I could drive a Toyota Prius. With "comfortable" seating for five, DH and I fit (sort of) in front, and the three girls could mash together in the back. But where does that leave S1 and S2? DH says my idea for lawn chairs (with seat belts, of course) strapped to the roof top would be too dangerous. I know the boys would be game, and I think DH is overreacting. But, I'm guessing the roof top seating would disturb the car's aerodynamics and depreciate my gas mileage.
So Plan B is to drive an Australian. It is winter Down Under right now, so it might be pretty easy to coerce one of them into coming to Utah. And there must be at least one Aussie that would prefer a sledding party Christmas to a beach party Christmas.
Okay, that may be going too far. But who says I couldn't give the Australian the Christmas week off to visit Queensland, or wherever they may call home? I mean the "holiday" week off. Or is it Hanukkah? Kwanzaa? Boxing Day? Whatever.
While being without my Australian for the winter break might be a downer (ha! get it - Down Under - downer), there is an upside to driving one. Mainly, all the beer I'd be storing in the garage. They run on that, remember?
I'm not a beer drinker, but I figure cases and six packs of the lager sitting around, will really give my neighbors something to talk about.
And the possibilities don't end there. If I run out of Bath and Body Works Nutrient Rich Foaming Bath in Lavender, I could grab a bottle of Tooheys from the garage, dump it in my tub, and voila! Pure bath time bliss. Speaking from experience, if you have never bathed with beer, your skin is the one that is suffering.
Ya know, I may be trading in the old berry-stained-carpet Yukon after all.
Posts
Hi Debbie,
ReplyDeleteThat's a terrific post. I can't see the problem with the chairs strapped to the roof!
Have you ever thought about writing? Not just blogs, but writing a book or a novel or a humorous parenting guide?
Let me know ....
David
I totally agree with David. You should consider going a step further. You are very talented. Hey, Erma B. did it. Joanne. P. S. Tell DH happy Fathers Day for me.
ReplyDeleteDavid,
ReplyDeleteI do love the idea. It has always been my dream. But I honestly have no idea where to begin.
Joanne,
ReplyDeleteI know if I were successful writing a book, I'd sell at least one copy. To you! Right?
Start where everyone starts. The beginning.
ReplyDeleteHi Debbie,
ReplyDeleteI’m so glad you didn’t throw my suggestion out the window. I honestly think you have the gift of writing and I would be more than happy to see you fulfil that talent. If you have time this week, jot down some ideas. They don’t have to be more than a couple of sentences. Just keep a little notebook in your pocket and every time you get an idea, write it down.
At the end of the week, you’ll probably have an idea for a (very rough) plot outline.
Just write a synopsis, for your own reference. It can be anything from one paragraph to a few pages. This will become the substance of your plot, which you then develop as you write. Sub-plots will pop up in your mind, as will characters. Obey the impulse. If your story suddenly goes in a different direction, go with it. Doesn’t matter if you deviate from your plot.
When you have two or three chapters, send the synopsis and the three chapters to every literary agent you can find. I will give you help and guidance here, too.
And keep writing the novel while agents are looking at your early chapters. You will get someone who comes back to you and says, send us more chapters.
You have far too much talent to ignore. I’m more than happy to be the conduit for your progression as a writer.
You’re going to say you don’t have enough time. Nope. I’m a parent as well and my aim is simply to write 300 words of a novel, each day. Doesn’t sound like much, but it adds up to 10,000 words a month.
And keep blogging – it gives agents a chance to view the subtleties and nuances of your gift.
Good luck with the venture and remember, I will always be available to help or guide or advise.
Keep smiling
David
What, you've bathed in beer? That's a new one to me.
ReplyDeleteDeborah, I enjoyed this post. That would have to be one large, strong Autralian to carry you all!
David,
ReplyDeleteWow! Thank you for the information. I will taking your suggestions. Once again, a comment that feels more like a school assignment. :-)
Chewy,
ReplyDeleteNah, we're lightweights. Okay, maybe not DH and I. But the kids, no problem!
Bart,
ReplyDeleteThank you for the beautifully simple advice! (Didn't mean to skip ya!)
"Drive an Australian"
ReplyDeleteWhat, and that's not junior high humor?? Well, it was hysterical anyway.
And yes, Deb, you DO have a gift with words and it would not be inconceivable for you to produce a decent manuscript. I am convinced that your writing would be a fun read.
Maybe Eve can help with that.
It really is too bad that the more environmentally-friendly large vehicles (I say "more" because they're really only marginally better than their unleaded counterparts) are SO expensive. It clearly says something about our society that the items (hybrid cars, environmentally friendly cleaning products, toilet paper, diapers, etc.) are sooo expensive. It's a shame. We do our best, but it really is cost-prohibitive for us. Except composting. That's free :) Composters Unite!
ReplyDeleteNow, if only I could get an Australian to wash my dishes while I drink a beer...
That is hysterical. And I agree with abi. I'll drink the beer--OK, a root beer anyway--and let the Australian do my dishes.
ReplyDeleteDeborah,
ReplyDelete1. Bathing in beer is VERY good for the skin - I know and agree
2. Go girl - write the book! You could even start another blog page that you don't publish to the world to keep some of your notes in - that's what I do (and although I don't have your talent, it does help)
3. I'm Australian, I drink, and I am NOT carrying your family around on my shoulders, no matter how generous your home leave allowance!!! [but perhaps more beer could be persuasive - it acts as a painkiller as well] *kidding*
Love the post!!!
Hi Debbie (and everyone else)
ReplyDeleteAs an Australian who a) doesn't drink and b) DOES do the dishes, I'm probably a bit of an oddity - but am willing to help around the Gamble household.
I'm low maintenance, too!
Seriously, though, Debbie, I would love to see you put that writing talent into a book, novel, whatever you choose to do.
Think about it and let me know. I'm only an email address away and I'll talk you through every step re: agents, publishers, etc.
Cheers
David
Craver,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed Elementary, High School had its moments. But Jr. High was mostly a mess.
Abi,
ReplyDeleteYou've got a point. i do splurge for eco friendly shampoo when we go to Lake Powell.
And you make me laugh!
Dalene,
ReplyDeleteBeer, root beer. Is it all the same? I didn't think so.
Ozlady,
ReplyDeleteIf you ever came to Utah, we would never even allow you to carry our fmaily around. But you bring out a valid point, we do sound like nice employers, with paid vacation and all!
David,
ReplyDeleteNothing like talking about writing for real to give someone a case of the jitters! I'll email you, for certain when I get to the point I have questions. Thanks!
found you via david/authorblog...what a great post, i'm still laughing here! as to your idea about strapping the other kids on top...outstanding concept..as the mother of 4, there were days when i would have LOVED to have them outside and not right behind me....and i drove a vw van!!!
ReplyDeleteSavannah,
ReplyDeleteKids on the car rooftop would be ideal wouldn't it. Imagine the peace and quiet while traveling!
gosh!! wot an idea!! it surely does make me think too!!!
ReplyDeleteSam,
ReplyDeleteThat's what this blog is all about. A little out of the box thinking is all I ask.