Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Terror in the News

It is not often that reading the front page of my local paper puts a pain in the pit of my stomach. But yesterday morning, that is exactly what happened.

The title of the article read, "Google Deal to Tap into Public Records." I was immediately tense, and a brief glance confirmed my worst fear. California is one of four states to work with Google to remove technical barriers hindering the search of public records. While it seems legal records are not part of the deal, I'm afraid that day is inevitable. And I am terrified, because of the skeletons lurking in DH's closet.

You see, I would not want my friends and family to easily access the story of how in a botched high school prank, DH and his accomplices stole a twelve foot Bob's Big Boy statue and attempted to place the goofy icon atop the San Clemente High School. In their foolish, confused minds of youth, they thought that since their soon-to-be-alma-mater had prime freeway frontage, this would be the most hilarious joke ever.

Perhaps if they hadn't chosen the most policed night of the year, AKA graduation night...
Perhaps if they had not yet successfully placed the sculpture in the pickup truck...
Perhaps if they could have at least made it out of the restuarant parking lot...
Perhaps if Bob's Big Boy had not been valued over $2000 (making this more than just a misdemeanor)...
Perhaps if DH had not turned the legal age of 18 two short months prior to this stunt...
Perhaps if DH had not spent a terifying night in the Orange County Jail...
Perhaps if DH's parents had hired a high-powered attorney (like his buddies' parents did)...

Perhaps then this would be a fun, laughable memory.

Instead, the opportunity for this and more of DH's follies, to be readily visible on the Internet, causes my stomach ulcers to rekindle with firey strength.


  1. Deborah,
    Some of the things I hold dear to my heart and hold in reserve for just the right moment are my friend's stories of stupidity.

    These are stories we share with each other as some sort of flawed badge of courage. You actually have to have some real time and effort invested in a friendship before these kind of confessional stories flow from the inner-chambers of our souls. We end up telling these stories so that we don't feel alone with our inner demons.

    I run (well, walk mostly) in a pretty tight circle of friends and our stories of idiocy are to be guarded and used only at predestined moments to embarrass each other mercilessly.

    These stories come in handy while sitting around restaurant tables, delaying the inevitable of returning home to see what the offspring have wrought. Or, while sitting fireside during frigid nights of Father and Son outings, regaling each other with acts of “stupid human tricks” (out of mind-numbing boredom) while waiting for the sun to rise.

    Your blog today has taken one of my favorite stories and held it out for the whole world to grasp. I no longer am apart of a small and trusted circle (that your DH calls friends) that can fling that story out there just at the right moment, in full ear shot of any number of “so-called friends."

    I have to scratch it from my list.

    I might as well go back to bed.

  2. rkcd,

    I am so sorry to have disappointed you this morning. However, if it is any consulation, please realize that my blog is only read by about 20 people a day. After you subtract my parents, DH's parents, my five siblings, S1, and our friends, there is only a handful of my newly acquired blog friends remaining.

    And while many of them live as far away as Australia, England, and New Brunswick, I'd say your still part of a pretty tight circle.

    And should DH's so called criminal record become as accessible as googling his name, at least now I feel prepared.

    Now get outta bed already. Don't you have some golf course to visit?

  3. Thanks for visiting my blog. Is DH your husband?

    Girl, stealing a Big Bob statue is not going to mark your family as "felons."

    Enjoyed your post.

  4. Cybercelt,

    Yes DH is my Dear Husband. I call him dear, but after today, he may not be so affectionate toward me.

  5. (fake Brooklyn accent) I didn't hear nothin, 'kay? Badda-bing, badda boom, what files. They musta went swimmin with da fishes.

  6. I think you should put a little acronym guide on the sidebar. :)

  7. Craver,
    Are you quoting The Godfather? If not it sounds like it, and that movie should be added to the Monty Python and Caddyshack list.

  8. Brilliant Bart,

    Thank you for the inspiring idea. It's there. Whataya think?

  9. It's informative and helpful. Two enthusiastic thumbs up.

  10. G'day from Oz, DH,

    You don't know me, but if you want to sue Deborah for libel, I have a really good friend who is a lawyer!!

    Er, Deborah, just don't take him in the vicinity of the Statue of Liberty!

    Cheers - enjoyed the way you told the story.

    Keep smiling


  11. Hi,

    Found the Alaska pubs story.

    Link is http://www.maltap.com/anglo/site/index.php?page=news&type=view&id=18&keep_session=7318938



  12. Bart-
    Thanks again, I guess now all I need to do is Paypal you a consulting fee.

  13. David,

    You are stabbing me in the back. While I am right here and on my own blog to boot! With friends like you...

    I have been to the Statue of Liberty with DH. No wonder he was eyeing the monument as if taking visual weights and measurements and asking so many questions of the barge operators on the dock.

    Ahhh, now it all makes sense.

  14. David (again),

    More dream jobs, eh? You are trying to tell me that someone pays you to go to bars and write about it? As in intelligent journalism. Does your wife buy all this hooey? 'Cause I'm not sure that I do.

  15. Eve,

    Its a very funny story. Probably funnier when DH tells it, but I don't know that he would have gotten 'round to tellin' you all, so I had to.


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