Thursday, July 26, 2007

The Date


Many of you have long since given up on seeing another post on this blog any time soon. You call me up and complain about how tired you are of visiting http colon backslash backslash uncommonnotions dot blogspot dot com. Day after day. And to your dismay there has been nothing to reveal but the same boring post that has been there for some unbearable length of time. One without a picture even. To you, should you have the heart to try one more time and then read this, may I suggest a Bloglines account.

To those of you who were alerted to this new post via the amazing invention of web-based news aggregators for browsing weblogs and other news feeds, or by dumb luck, welcome. Plop down in your comfy chair adjacent to the fireplace, grab a cup of cocoa and your favorite cat. Spread that afghan over your legs, and curl up to a romance novel. Not one about a nurse per se, but a romance novel nonetheless. Hold that thought, no need to throw an extra log on the fire just yet. This romantic tale is very short. For now, anyway. Let me start at the beginning.

Once upon a time in a land called Orem, I worked at a company called...(I can use first person here, because I am not in the love story. This is only the Forward. Sorry, did I lead you astray? Let me clarify, the romantic lead in this little number is my baby sister. Ah, yes, DH exhales slowly in a sigh a relief.)

Anyway, no matter to the name of the company, what is mildly important to the story is that at this company there was a fellow employee named Grettir. Of course, that was not the name by which I had come to know him, but it is his Internet veil of secrecy name. So for his future career and his innocent family's sake I will comply. Now Grettir seemed to be a fine employee. One that did his work well and never stole office supplies.

What...Uh, huh...Oh, sorry. According to my sister this is supposed to be her side of the story, yet it is sounding a great deal like my side of the story. Silly me. It being my blog and all, apparently I was a little presumptuous.

Now why this tale cannot take place on eHarmony, or LDSSingles I have no idea at all. But for whatever reason it is being played out here. In blogland.

So now we'll begin at my sister's beginning. We'll call her Kim, as that is her name and she is not well enough versed in 14th century Icelandic literature to have a better nickname. Kim from New York state was visiting her favorite sister in the whole wide world. She was having a lovely time in Utah, shopping at IKEA, hiking above Sundance, and eating for free at Bajio Mexican Grill as much as possible.

Then Kim's sister-in-law (Yes, Kim has been married, but her husband died 2 1/2 years ago. Since this is a love story and not a tragedy we'll tell that drama another time.) So anyway, Kim has a sister-in-law DW (we call her that for somewhat obvious reasons, none of which have anything to do with the PBS children's show Arthur). DW thought Kim should be set up on a blind date. Kim's favorite sister in the whole wide world agreed with Kim that this was probably an inefficient way to spend her few short days in Utah. After all, there were still Nertz games to play.

Nevertheless DW can be very persuasive. With a specific person in mind for Kim's vacation blind date, she petitioned that there was this poor soul of a divorced man who had not been on a date since before iPods were invented. Kim, having a tender heart replied, "Then why would I want to go on a date with him?"

Raving about the potential blind date's sense of humor, DW tried to convince Kim that such a set up would not be too painful. Wisely still hesitant, Kim inquired as to the potential blind date's appearance. Because Kim is young and beautiful, she has a right to have certain standards as to outward beauty in addition to standards for a sense of humor.

DW gave what was definitely a wrong answer. She explained that she is the "worst person to ask" regarding whether or not someone is, shall we say, cute. DW said she gets to know a person and they are so wonderful, yada yada yada, she doesn't even know if they (that is the potential blind date specifically) is good-looking or not.

With this bright, glaring red flag, Kim was understandably more than hesitant to commit to a date. Then DW played the pity card. Poor broken-hearted potential blind date man. Simply needs a little outing. One short date to get him back in the saddle again.

"Make it an afternoon lunch," was Kim's final and only offer.

Kim's favorite sister in the whole wide world remarked that Kim had better things to do with her time than spend her precious few remaining hours in Utah with what was probably an old, white haired, half bald and obviously most uncomely man. Those were her words exactly. But Kim is always one to help the poor, sick and ugly. So she kept the commitment.

In hindsight the sob story portrayed by DW was very convincing and has most likely worked for this poor man in obtaining numerous "first-in-a-long-time" dates. It's sheer genius really.

Sporting a darling black shirt and white Bermuda shorts, Kim drove to the specified restaurant at the specified time. When what to her wondering eyes appeared "tall, dark and handsome" Grettir.

This is where I, the favorite sister in the whole wide world, get a little vague. Mostly because the details have yet to be divulged. But I am sure Kim will fill us in on all of them in the Comments section where she is very good at taking over my blog posts.

What is known is that Kim ordered Southwestern Egg Rolls and something else. That she gabbed for nearly two hours about things in hindsight she realizes should never be divulged on first dates. If at all. To Kim's credit, she did not kiss the man good-bye in the parking lot, like she has been known to do on other blind lunchtime first dates.

Finally, after paying the bill, Grettir had to drag himself away, back to his place of employment, where he was most likely questioned as to why at the late hour of 3:30 PM he was returning from lunch. Though certainly he made up some excuse like having to stop by the office of the Executive Vice President of International Global Operational Marketing Accounting and securing an insecure website router Internet connection breakage, or something.

When Kim finally returned to her favorite sister in the whole wide world at 3:30 PM, there was no time to play Nertz. Only time to discuss the surprising fact that her favorite sister in the whole wide world used to know Grettir, and that Grettir was not white-haired, balding and ugly.
Then it was to the computer where Kim made a quick stop to Grettir's LDSSingles profile. On this website, it is important to note that Kim is slyly masquerading as a bald, overweight pizza delivery person.

There was also a little time to visit Grettir's blog. The link to which should be included here, but the author of this tale, fears loss of readership. For when you see a blog more well-written than my own, you may never return. Okay here is is. Okay, okay, here.

Kim visited and commented on the well-written blog. Which comment elicited other comments. Very soon there was more chatter than appears typical for the well written blog. Are Kate, Pam, Chris, or even Chronicler potential or previous dates of Grettir? Maybe some of them are not even single or female. Kim does not know and doesn't seem to care, unlike her favorite sister in the whole wide world, who is concerned that Kim provide Grettir with some privacy.

Not at all bothered by what others may think, Kim has challenged Grettir to post a summary of the date on his blog. Which she is certain at some point in the near future Grettir will do. In the meantime, Grettir is milking the situation, enjoying the increased traffic to his blog as Kim and soon all of you will be repeatedly checking in. Searching for some sort of reply.

Kim, committed (threatened?) to post her own version of the date. Not on her blog mind you. For why would she need a blog when she has the blog of her favorite sister in the whole wide world. So that is why you are reading this here.

The End.


  1. I was about to contact DH as to your whereabouts. Glad you are back and running. Good for Kim and her blind date. I read the other blog and will check in to see his take on the blind date, which I am sure went incredible well.

  2. Debbie, Lovely to see you posting again.

    Kim, God bless, good luck and I hope you find your knight in shining armour.

    Debbie and Kim, it's wonderful to see siblings so close. Bless you both - and all your loved ones.

  3. This is the QUICK comment. I think I shall leave a verbose one as well (which, if you HAVE read Grettir's blog, you know I do with frightening regularity). I like to call them "Novellas because it sounds posh.

    I just thought I'd give you the "411*" on your query about this quesion: "Are Kate, Pam, Chris, or even Chronicler potential or previous dates of Grettir?"

    Well, Pam is married and has four children.

    Chris is Grettir's brother. HOWEVER, Grettir has been married TWICE (onstage) to his sister (two DIFFERENT sisters). This implies nothing.

    From Chronicler's blog (having - I'm sorry, Chronicler - not read enough to know anything else) I knew she is a SHE and is 250 years old.

    In case it wasn't obvious yet, I am Kate. Crazy Kate (and sometimes Kate the cursed, but KATE, SHUT UP ALREADY! $.50 to the person who identifies which part of the last phrase was NOT penned by Shakespeare). I have known Grettir for about twenty years.

    And by the way, Grettir can say all he wants about not having been on a date in however many billions of years, but I beat him, HANDS DOWN. Seriously (but not with my fists). He would fight me on this, but I have figured it out SCIENTIFICALLY. I could elaborate it, but I will refrain.

    Oh - wandering back onto the vague trail near the topic - Kate is married and unmarried depending on whom you ask and how you choose to look at it (she will be a “divorcee” by the beginning of the next year, evidently, so her husband – that’s her “husband” according to “The LAW” (which sounds so Spaghetti Western) can marry someone else). Too much information? If you thought, "YES!" you ain't seen nuthin' yet.

    Kate is a heathen, more than slightly unhinged and she has, according to her six-year-old nephew, the craziest hair of anyone he knows. Oh – and she’s a hairy-legged (please pronounce both syllables of “legged”) pear-shaped freak.

    If Kim is concerned about "gabbing" too much or "over-sharing" she should know that over the years I have bent Grettir's ear so much and so far that I'm surprised he doesn't look like Van Gogh. In comparison, I'm sure she seemed almost laconic. (Proof positive: Note that I said this would be the "short" comment.") She can thank me, if she likes, for being a crazy, blathering, long-winded windbag. Having subjected him to my loquaciousness for SOOO many years because he’s a generous friend and a good listener, I make ANYONE seem succinct - if not terse (in a good way).

    Anyhoo, Grettir has always been talk, dark and handsome (and very sexy, if one may deign to say such a thing on this blog). At the same time he is rather charmingly self-deprecating.

    Then again, I will admit that after knowing him twenty years I have the impulse occasionally to just hit him upside the head if he says or even implies that he is, as Kim may have presumed before meeting him, an “old, white haired, half bald and obviously most uncomely man.” Sheesh. Grettir, YOUR HEAD WILL STAY THE SAME SIZE IF YOU ADMIT THAT YOU ARE ATTRACTIVE – IN FACT ONE MIGHT SAY VERY ATTRACTIVE.

    Lastly, a hint. Try this line on him: “Didn’t you say you’re from Sweden?”

    Thank you for your time,
    (Wasn't this a job interview?),
    Kate of Le monde de Kate de fromage

  4. Hi Debbie,

    Your interview with Pope Terry is a classic. Well done. Again!

    Keep smiling


  5. May I just defend myself by saying I HAVE NEVER KISSED SOMEONE IN THE PARKING LOT (or anywhere) FOLLOWING A FIRST DATE OF ANY KIND - ESPECIALLY A BLIND DATE! Aside from that... Debbie, you did a terrific job! The only other hole... I had southwestern egg rolls (my personal FAVORITE) and a Cobb Salad. I'd go on... but I'd prefer not to live true to your comment that I take over your blog posts... in fact, Kate - please visit and comment here more often - we can vie for who has the longer comments! All the further I will say is of my (too many) "lunch time" dates I have been coerced into, this was one of only two that did not leave me wishing I could somehow reclaim the time that was spent and trying to "learn from the experience" so I did not feel like it was a complete waste~ I have learned some good things – such as Never spend the entire first date talking about your wife who left you 5 years ago despite the perfect husband that you were… it makes the other party want to poke their eyes out. Never be so wrapped up in how funny you are that you don’t laugh at any completely obvious jokes the person you are with makes, it makes you appear to be self-absorbed…. Never profess your secret love and desire for this person to bear your children on a first date (this should be saved for the proposal many many months later if you make it that far), it will only make them forget they have a meeting they need to leave for right away! Yes… my lunch dates have been an education. This one though just goes to prove there are normal… fun… good-looking people in the world that are single! Go figure!

  6. Grettir is increasing his traffic. I couldn't resist following the link.

    Now if only I can get my relatives to visit my blog, well, they visit... just don't comment.

  7. Oh, Dear Kim (sorry - I meant ANONYMOUS),

    You don't want to challenge me on verbosity, rambling and or completely digressive chattiness. This is one battle I will always win. And yes, it is a dubious honour.

    Then again, if it makes you feel better, we can go for it. If my foibles can be comforting, I will exploit them MYSELF. In fact, here's one that may ease any guilt you have about kissing someone on the first date (though I get the impression that you are an honest person and telling the truth about NOT doing such a thing).

    If memory serves (and it will have to serve me WELL if I am to get this right), I have kissed - uh - several people on the first date (and once on a blind date - I'm not sure why on that one - he was a major loser). As a matter of fact, I kissed the guy on my VERY FIRST DATE (and lets just say we kissed more than once).


    (Sorry for shouting so much.)

    However, it makes much more sense that I have been dateless (refer back to the "slightly unhinged" part of my first comment and, in case you didn't assume so the first time, know that it's quite the under-exaggeration).

    With GRETTIR, on the other hand, IT'S ALL ABOUT CHOICE, obviously.

    Circumlocutorily Yours,
    Crazy Kate of Le monde de Kate de fromage

  8. Joanne,

    Glad you did not give up on me completely. Grettir's blog is definitely worth checking out regardless of news on the date.


  9. David,

    We all hope Kim finds her knight in shining armor, but she seems to be doing well without one for now.

  10. Kate,

    Your comment reveals interesting information. Though I'm not sure which parts are really true.

    For example, if you are hairy legged (I pronounced both syllables) then why not purchase and pink Daisy Schick? I got one on sale at Albertsons last week. They're great!

    And we'd all like a little more clarification on the "Aren't you from Sweden" comment which most assuredly must be an inside joke.

    The most burning question of all is once your divorce is final will you be dating Grettir?


  11. David,

    I thought he did well on the interview. I'll post a blog soon with all my interviews linked. Are you game for one??

  12. Kim,

    We all know you kissed movieboy in the parking lot of Bajio Mexican Grill in Draper, Utah. So why are trying to deny it here?

    I have numerous witnesses that will testify to the truth of this.

    Just becuase it was not a make out session or even on the lips....It was a kiss. Initiated by you. Planted firmly on him.

    Wishing it had not happened and denying it did happen will not make it go away.

    Please don't make me bring this up again.

  13. Chewy,

    I know you may all leave me for Grettir eventually. I may leave myself.

  14. Kate,

    Foibles is an awesome word. But circumlocutorily? Where's my dictionary?

  15. DEBBIE - I CAN ONLY SAY - THAT IS MY STORY AND I AM STICKING TO IT!! (Besides, I never went to Bajio with that guy!!~ crazy woman!!) David, what was that you said about our close relationship?? :)


  16. Jackie, Christine, Michelle?

    Help me out here. Once again Kim is in denial. It is a happy place. But she cannot stay forever.


    No worries, Mate. This is a family matter which I have under perfect control.

  17. Dear Debbie,

    When I was young I used to watch Electric Company. This is relevant (to something...) because I wanted very badly at that point to be named Debbie and have long, smooth black hair. In retrospect, I think that Debbie from Electric Company may have been Chinese. I don't remember whether or not I wanted to be Chinese as well.

    Oh – and I believe that absolutely EVERYTHING I wrote in that “short” comment (ha HA) was complete truth. Mind you I’m too tired to go back and read it myself just to make certain, so let’s just say it’s all true as far as I know.

    Man. If I'd been on the ball enough to know when the auditions for Fiddler on the Roof were (rather than calling Gerry when they had already decided who they wanted - I told him to give me a call if he needed an emergency Fruma Sarah or something) I might KNOW one of the parties involved in this crazy state of affairs (no pun intended) other than Grettir.

    Or for that matter, if I hadn't been back East during the auditions and beginning of rehearsals for Music Man I might have actually been in a play again for the first time in five billion years. Okay, four billion.

    However, I was in the cast of The Music Man, oh so many years back, that had a cast of 104 instead of this paltry cast of 102 (I believe I have those figures right). I was one of the “pick-a-little” ladies, which would not be odd, except that most of my contemporaries were playing teenagers. I was “married” to someone in the quartet and we had six children. One of them was older than I. One of them was Grettir’s ex-wife. ALL of them are adults by now. Oh, how the world turns.

    About being hairy legged (thank you for pronouncing both syllables), I just cannot start shaving them again now after so many, many years. If you were every bored, which I cannot imagine that you are, considering that you almost have a six-pack of children and you and your “DH” run three restaurants, I would suggest you read some of this:

    Le monde de Kate de fromage

    Therein, amidst a great deal of other drivel, are horrific tales of how I’ve injured myself trying to change my personal hygiene habits, or have become vain or desperate enough to add a new “beauty” trick into my regimen. Quite honestly, if I tried to have smooth and hairless legs I think I might amputate a limb. Besides, no one gets to see my legs. It’s where all the continental bruises live.

    I do own a razor (one of those fat ones with the bar of soap built right in. Isn’t science amazing). And, to over-share, I do shave my armpits (and have long thought men should, too) because it is conducive to SMELLING BETTER. Don’t get me wrong; I don’t think men (or women, for that matter) should feel compelled to bath in depilatory so as to be utterly smooth and hairless (like naked mole rats). I don’t mind body hair (well, I probably have a sasquatch limit in me somewhere, but I believe I’ve only met one person who exceeded that standard). It’s just the smelling better factor. Hmm. Though off the top of my head I cannot think any men I know who smell bad… Maybe I’ll give up the razor entirely.

    As for the “Sweden” pick-up line, I’ll keep things concise (ha) and won’t go into the whole story now, partly because I CANNOT tell that story without talking about one in which the people who danced on broke glass and tried to tie someone up and sang, “I kill children,” and the leprechaun and the complete strangers who might start stroking one’s hair and the drunk old men who got into a fist fight until one of them fell onto the woman across the aisle. I’ll just say this: You meet such interesting characters using the bus as your mode of transportation.

    Kate who is SO not Kate Beckinsale,
    Crazy Kate of Le monde de Kate de fromage

  18. Ah.

    Circumlocutory is a word (see synoyms for "verbose"). Changing it into an adverb was my own clever idea, but I think it's going to be the latest new craze.

    Motormouthed Kate of Le monde de Kate de fromage

  19. shes pretending to be someone else on the internet... I hate it when people do that. Though I have to wonder at the point of going on a date when your only in town for a few days, but then again I guess when love comes a knocking you have to answer, even if theres a risk its santa clauses smelly homeless cousin.

  20. Kate,

    I don't even know where to begin! So I'll say....nothing. You're funny.

  21. Pope Terry,

    Is Santa Clauses smelly homeless cousin male? and single? There is another possibility for Kim!

  22. Do you think BYU will become more attractive to Kim?

    If one Debbie isn't enough!

    I am sure Kim overwhelms all of her "blind dates".

    Do you really think she is a talker?

    Do you think you can compete with THAT Blog?

  23. Grandpa,

    All valid questions! And ones for which I have no real good answers.

  24. i feel the need to interject as i cannot stand passively by and see darling kim's reputation slightly smudged as i offer my own experience up to review as to whether 1st, 2nd, or 3rd date osculation is even within kim's paramouristic paradigm. according to kim, and i realized rather quickly that all forms of reality must be congruous to kim's perception, we kissed on the 4th date (but it really was the third date and even prior to that, on the 2nd date there was a slight cheek buss). and if anyone were to to be kissed on the 1st date, kim realizes it certainly would most assuredly have been me (as she emphatically reassures me). hope this clears things up ;)

  25. Anonymous,

    It was the 4th date... although you choose to not call it a date just so you could say you were kissed after the third date. But, in reality it was a date. The FOURTH time we had done something/ spent time together.. So, osculation is within my paramouristic paradigm after the 4th occasion of time spent together. Also, thank you for acknowledging that all forms of reality must be congruous to my perception. My perception is that of reality - so really there should be no problems. And as for your claim that if anyone were to be kissed on the 1st date it would have been you, to that I say it is not within my paramouristic paradigm to kiss on the 1st date, so we shall never know. For that reason, you can certainly take comfort in the false sense of reality that it may have happened for you (if my paramouristic paradigm was different that what it is in reality). Finally for your claim of a slight cheek buss following the second date, that was a polite way of dodging the osculation you were after. It was my way of preserving your feelings, while staying within my paramouristic paradigm. Ahh reality….


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