Kate Comes to Us From The Date

Kate AKA Jessica Biel

Many of you have been asking for an update on my sister Kim and The Date. I am sorry to report that as far as these things go, this one appears to be moving about as fast as a hundred year old tortoise. Hence, there is not much of anything to say.

Of course, it is important to recognize that Grettir and Kim had only one brief blind date just hours before she flew 1893 miles away, so what can we expect? She barely had time to recover from the shock that Grettir was an intelligent, personable, hunky human. And then she vanished. Like the money in my checking account.

But thankfully, the entire experience was not in vain. As a result of this little afternoon tryst, I have a new BFF: Kate. Kate may not be aware that she and I are BFFs, but after reading this, she'll be officially clued in. I "met" Kate as she is the loquacious friend of Grettir. And if you read the Comments of this blog, then you to know a little bit about Kate. Probably more than you want to know. And that is what makes Kate so endearing.

As far as I can tell she and I are two peas in a pod. She loves pink and purple and fuchsia. I am a red, black, white, dark brown and sometimes grey or green fan. So see, we both have favorite colors. She has a family of kitten children and I have a brood of human children. And the similarities do not stop there! Of course, I am not aware of any more similarities at this time, but I'm sure as we become even better BFFs we'll figure them out.

So while Grettir is rethinking Chili's versus a pancake establishment for his one and only date with Kim, I can rest in peace knowing at least someone got something out of the whole experience.

I Am an Overeager Wishful Thinking Goofball

Setting: Friday, August 3, 2007 12:15 PM in my laundry room in Orem, UT. I am still unshowered for the day. With a baby in one arm, I am trying to fold the tenth load of laundry for the week when my cell phone rings sharply.

Me (answering the ringing phone): Hello.

Kim: Hi, its me.

Me (smiling thoughtfully): Hey, How are you?

Kim (hurriedly with words running together): Great can you do me a favor? The Internet is down at my work which is a real pain, because I have personal things that need to be done.

Me (walking down the hall to my desk): Okay...

Kim: I need you to buy a plane ticket for me.

Me (thinking there is nothing more in this world that I want than for Kim to move her three children and all her personal belongings to the land of Utah and marry a nice man): Ooooh? Where are you going?

Kim (sarcastically): I'm coming to Utah to see that guy.

Me (giddy with delight and confusion): No way! Really? Are you kidding me? You are kidding me. Oh my gosh are you serious? You aren't serious.

Kim (interrupting with a shot of realism): Of course I'm not serious. I need to buy a plane ticket for _____ -.

In this blank one should place the first real name of Grettir, which I am unable to do because that name is a secret. So lets pretend it is Don.

So now that you are up to speed let's rewind....

Kim (interrupting with a shot of realism): Of course I'm not serious. I need to buy a plane ticket for Don---

S2 (simultaneously speaking in my other ear - the one not super glued to the cell phone): Mom, what's for lunch?

Me (ignoring my hungry child altogether and interrupting a little too soon): Don!? What the heck? Are you kidding me? What is going on? On my gosh! You're not serious.

Kim (slowly and clearly): Debbie. I don't need a ticket for Don. I need one for Don-na. Donna my niece. She's coming to watch my kids next week.

Me (weakly): Oh... (moment of awkward silence) You know S2 was talking and so you cut out. So all I heard was...

Kim (not really caring to hear the story): Uh huh.

Me: That is kinda funny - their names and all, huh?

Kim (annoyed): Sure.

(More silence.)

Me (getting down to business, placing the baby on the floor and double clicking Internet Explorer icon on the computer): Will Donna - emphasis on the feminine. The uh. Will she be flying Delta, or some other airline?

This is Me Being Humble

I am always right. Not sometimes right or even usually right. Always right. The sooner DH comes to accept this, the happier we'll both be.

I am so painful accurate in fact, that my personal slogan is, "You can agree with me or you can be wrong." I am never wrong.

Until a few days ago...

I mistakenly divulged that my sister Kim had kissed a blind date, on the first date, in the parking lot of a restaurant, after lunch. When she disagreed, I solicited back up from my sisters, most of whom agreed with me. But we recognized Kim had a reputation to uphold so she was probably denying the occurrence, though she knew for certain that it had happened.

And I feel for her. After all, the most recent blind date might be shocked and appalled at her promiscuity. Or jealous, wondering where he went wrong that he did not receive a likewise tender show of affection.

Then I spoke with another sister and slowly came to grips with the fact that I could have been mistaken.

The fellow was initially a blind date. And it was a kiss initiated by her. In a restaurant parking lot. But it might not have been a first date at a Mexican restaurant, but perhaps a second date at a pancake establishment? Or something similar.

I hate it when I wrong. I really do. But since I was somewhat incorrect in the details, I am sorry.
Kim, are we still friends?

For Clarification or More Confusion

If you have not had the opportunity, please visit Grettir's blog for Part One of his side of The Date story.

But for clarity's sake, since some of you may already be a bit confused, I am Debbie, Kim's sister. Not to be confused with Debbie (aka DW), Kim's sister-in-law that coerces (tricks?) Grettir into going on a blind date.

Although I do know of Grettir. And although I did date that Debbie's (Kim's sister-in-law's) husband Pat (Kim's brother-in-law) once. Before he married that Debbie, and before I married DH, of course.

So in another world, that Debbie might have been me Debbie. But it’s not.

That's me with DH in the picture above. No pics of the other Debbie right off. But you'll know who she is because she is the one not pictured here.

Just when one is trying to fall asleep for the night, while wondering how to get a picture for the blog, suddenly a light comes on and she remembers she has the perfect picture in her computer already. How did I not remember I had this picture of my sister's sister-in-law Debbie and her husband Pat?



Are you getting all this? There will be a test later.

The Date

USED WITHOUT PERMISSION. COPIED BLATANTLY AND MOST LIKELY ILLEGALLY FROM WWW.TINYPINEAPPLE.COM

Many of you have long since given up on seeing another post on this blog any time soon. You call me up and complain about how tired you are of visiting http colon backslash backslash uncommonnotions dot blogspot dot com. Day after day. And to your dismay there has been nothing to reveal but the same boring post that has been there for some unbearable length of time. One without a picture even. To you, should you have the heart to try one more time and then read this, may I suggest a Bloglines account.

To those of you who were alerted to this new post via the amazing invention of web-based news aggregators for browsing weblogs and other news feeds, or by dumb luck, welcome. Plop down in your comfy chair adjacent to the fireplace, grab a cup of cocoa and your favorite cat. Spread that afghan over your legs, and curl up to a romance novel. Not one about a nurse per se, but a romance novel nonetheless. Hold that thought, no need to throw an extra log on the fire just yet. This romantic tale is very short. For now, anyway. Let me start at the beginning.

Once upon a time in a land called Orem, I worked at a company called...(I can use first person here, because I am not in the love story. This is only the Forward. Sorry, did I lead you astray? Let me clarify, the romantic lead in this little number is my baby sister. Ah, yes, DH exhales slowly in a sigh a relief.)

Anyway, no matter to the name of the company, what is mildly important to the story is that at this company there was a fellow employee named Grettir. Of course, that was not the name by which I had come to know him, but it is his Internet veil of secrecy name. So for his future career and his innocent family's sake I will comply. Now Grettir seemed to be a fine employee. One that did his work well and never stole office supplies.

What...Uh, huh...Oh, sorry. According to my sister this is supposed to be her side of the story, yet it is sounding a great deal like my side of the story. Silly me. It being my blog and all, apparently I was a little presumptuous.

Now why this tale cannot take place on eHarmony, or LDSSingles I have no idea at all. But for whatever reason it is being played out here. In blogland.

So now we'll begin at my sister's beginning. We'll call her Kim, as that is her name and she is not well enough versed in 14th century Icelandic literature to have a better nickname. Kim from New York state was visiting her favorite sister in the whole wide world. She was having a lovely time in Utah, shopping at IKEA, hiking above Sundance, and eating for free at Bajio Mexican Grill as much as possible.

Then Kim's sister-in-law (Yes, Kim has been married, but her husband died 2 1/2 years ago. Since this is a love story and not a tragedy we'll tell that drama another time.) So anyway, Kim has a sister-in-law DW (we call her that for somewhat obvious reasons, none of which have anything to do with the PBS children's show Arthur). DW thought Kim should be set up on a blind date. Kim's favorite sister in the whole wide world agreed with Kim that this was probably an inefficient way to spend her few short days in Utah. After all, there were still Nertz games to play.

Nevertheless DW can be very persuasive. With a specific person in mind for Kim's vacation blind date, she petitioned that there was this poor soul of a divorced man who had not been on a date since before iPods were invented. Kim, having a tender heart replied, "Then why would I want to go on a date with him?"

Raving about the potential blind date's sense of humor, DW tried to convince Kim that such a set up would not be too painful. Wisely still hesitant, Kim inquired as to the potential blind date's appearance. Because Kim is young and beautiful, she has a right to have certain standards as to outward beauty in addition to standards for a sense of humor.

DW gave what was definitely a wrong answer. She explained that she is the "worst person to ask" regarding whether or not someone is, shall we say, cute. DW said she gets to know a person and they are so wonderful, yada yada yada, she doesn't even know if they (that is the potential blind date specifically) is good-looking or not.

With this bright, glaring red flag, Kim was understandably more than hesitant to commit to a date. Then DW played the pity card. Poor broken-hearted potential blind date man. Simply needs a little outing. One short date to get him back in the saddle again.

"Make it an afternoon lunch," was Kim's final and only offer.

Kim's favorite sister in the whole wide world remarked that Kim had better things to do with her time than spend her precious few remaining hours in Utah with what was probably an old, white haired, half bald and obviously most uncomely man. Those were her words exactly. But Kim is always one to help the poor, sick and ugly. So she kept the commitment.

In hindsight the sob story portrayed by DW was very convincing and has most likely worked for this poor man in obtaining numerous "first-in-a-long-time" dates. It's sheer genius really.

Sporting a darling black shirt and white Bermuda shorts, Kim drove to the specified restaurant at the specified time. When what to her wondering eyes appeared "tall, dark and handsome" Grettir.

This is where I, the favorite sister in the whole wide world, get a little vague. Mostly because the details have yet to be divulged. But I am sure Kim will fill us in on all of them in the Comments section where she is very good at taking over my blog posts.

What is known is that Kim ordered Southwestern Egg Rolls and something else. That she gabbed for nearly two hours about things in hindsight she realizes should never be divulged on first dates. If at all. To Kim's credit, she did not kiss the man good-bye in the parking lot, like she has been known to do on other blind lunchtime first dates.

Finally, after paying the bill, Grettir had to drag himself away, back to his place of employment, where he was most likely questioned as to why at the late hour of 3:30 PM he was returning from lunch. Though certainly he made up some excuse like having to stop by the office of the Executive Vice President of International Global Operational Marketing Accounting and securing an insecure website router Internet connection breakage, or something.

When Kim finally returned to her favorite sister in the whole wide world at 3:30 PM, there was no time to play Nertz. Only time to discuss the surprising fact that her favorite sister in the whole wide world used to know Grettir, and that Grettir was not white-haired, balding and ugly.
Then it was to the computer where Kim made a quick stop to Grettir's LDSSingles profile. On this website, it is important to note that Kim is slyly masquerading as a bald, overweight pizza delivery person.

There was also a little time to visit Grettir's blog. The link to which should be included here, but the author of this tale, fears loss of readership. For when you see a blog more well-written than my own, you may never return. Okay here is is. Okay, okay, here.

Kim visited and commented on the well-written blog. Which comment elicited other comments. Very soon there was more chatter than appears typical for the well written blog. Are Kate, Pam, Chris, or even Chronicler potential or previous dates of Grettir? Maybe some of them are not even single or female. Kim does not know and doesn't seem to care, unlike her favorite sister in the whole wide world, who is concerned that Kim provide Grettir with some privacy.

Not at all bothered by what others may think, Kim has challenged Grettir to post a summary of the date on his blog. Which she is certain at some point in the near future Grettir will do. In the meantime, Grettir is milking the situation, enjoying the increased traffic to his blog as Kim and soon all of you will be repeatedly checking in. Searching for some sort of reply.

Kim, committed (threatened?) to post her own version of the date. Not on her blog mind you. For why would she need a blog when she has the blog of her favorite sister in the whole wide world. So that is why you are reading this here.

The End.

You Can't Fool Me

A couple years ago, my younger sister Kim and I took our kids on a road trip from Utah to California. We had started out later than planned, and ended up pulling the Yukon over around 1 AM to sleep at a hotel in Nevada for a few hours, before continuing on at sun up.

In an attempt to save money, we decided to share a room at the hotel. However, with Kim and her three kids, as well as me and my three children, we knew most hotels would frown at eight people in one room. So we devised a not-so-subtle plan. I would check-in with the boys and the luggage, and Kim would enter a few minutes later with no bags, just the girls, and we would all meet at the room.

For the most part, things went according to plan. I registered at the front desk and then proceeded through the lobby up to the room with S2, Kim's two boys, and all our bags. I called Kim on her cell phone and told her our room number, and she delayed a few minutes by the car before proceeding through the lobby empty handed with D1 and D2 as well as her own daughter.

We were careful not to let on to the children about the plan, because we did not want them to think we were being dishonest. And we thought we had been discreet with our sneaky plot. But D1 who was ten at the time, was too smart for us and sensed something was up. As she walked through the smoke filled lobby adjacent to a casino, she realized, "I know why you and my mom don't want anyone to see us go to the hotel room all together. Kim grimmaced, knowing we were going to have to explain our dishonesty, but replied innocently, "Hmmm? What?" D1 nodded, "Yeah, you're afraid if we all go up together everyone will think you guys are gay."

Why Did God Make This Place?

When I was growing up my father took us on a mandatory nature hike at Waubonsie State Park every spring and every fall. He insisted we go so that we could enjoy nature and take notice of the miraculous signs of spring as well as meditate on the stunning colors of autumn.

I acknowledge the wisdom in this tradition now as an adult. As a child and teenager, such thoughts completely escaped my reasoning. We lived in a very small town with a large span of empty land in our backyard. We worked in gardens, fruit trees, and farm fields all summer accompanied by bugs and noxious weeds and so I was confident we got plenty of nature. But whatever Dad said we did. And so we hiked at Waubonsie consistently to view the change of seasons.

After a few years of this practice, the walks became mundane and my sisters Jackie and Christine and I agreed we could handle something other than the routine stroll of the geriatric park visitors. We convinced Dad we should make our own path and explore the unmarked portions of the park. And surprisingly we also persuaded him to let us be the guides. However, Dad always followed at the back of the pack, presumably to make sure since he left home with five daughters, that he would return home with five daughters. I am certain he had promised Mom at least that much.

Many times my younger sisters Michelle and Kim were helplessly victim to the adventure seeking older sisters. One fall we were on our biannual hike and had gotten severely off course. Much more so than any hikes previous to this one. Our trek had turned out to be longer than expected. By late afternoon, our packed lunches had been devoured hours ago and were nothing but a distant memory in our minds and stomachs.

Finally , we came around a knoll and found a rather steep, mangled hill that we soon realized would lead back to the main trail close to the entrance of the park. We quickly decided we had been gone long enough and we would make the now recognizable return via the direction the crow flies. As in straight up the hill. A task simple enough for a crow, but not so for five young girls. Our steep ascent was complicated by sticker bushes, slippery piles of fallen leaves and branches that although were pushed aside by the person in front of you, would mercilessly snap back in place just as your unsuspecting face passed by. In this manner we made the hairy climb. Finally at one point my youngest sister Kim, who was only five or six at the time, stopped and turned to Dad. Tired, hungry and nearly beaten she implored, “Why did God make this place?”

As I watch the news and read the newspaper, and especially today, on a day set aside for remembering the victims of the Holocaust, I can’t help but wonder as my sister did, “Why did God make this place?”

But as the thought is verbalized in my mind, I quickly know the answer. Just like the hill at Waubonsie State Park, this world was formed because it adds a measure of beauty and joy to our lives and the experiences and trials we are facing will make our final welcome home a sweet and worthwhile one. These trials are ours, and allowed to be so by a loving Heavenly Father.

And when those branches keep slapping my unsuspecting face, I try to keep my sights on the safe passage just over the rugged hill. All the while I am fully aware that I would not be truly happy forced to follow a predetermined path. And though at times my trials seem so impossibly difficult, I am reassured to know someone bigger and all-knowing is watching over me to eventually bring me safely home.