Monday, September 22, 2008

She's Too Hot for Marriage


I have made a conscious effort from their infancy to brainwash D1 and D2 into believing that they should allow me, the one person in the world that has nothing but their best interest at heart, to plan their weddings. I make no secret about the fact that this would be an attempt to re-create my wedding day, but with better choices. And when I say, "plan their wedding", I mean everything. As in everything. From choosing the wedding dress to the paper mint cups, of course it will all be tasteful and perfect. Their young age does not temper the seriousness of my intent in this scheme.

For the most part D1 has accepted this enormous generosity as fact and has not questioned my motives. When she has begun to inquire, I have quickly reminded her that on her wedding day she is the Princess Bride. Once she makes the most important decision of all, on who will be her future husband, she should not have her mind cluttered with more choices. At this point in the conversation, D1 usually smiles faintly and lets the matter drop.

As D2 has gotten older however, her independent mind is becoming more apparent. And as such, she has become more of a problem in my planning-the-girls'-weddings conspiracy.

One evening D2 had gone to the Home Depot with me and, as usual, ran to the paint section to grab - er steal - as many paint chips as she felt she could - without me forcing her to carefully file them all back. On the way home, she picked two colored squares and placed them side by side. Shoving them in my face, she showed me what she called her "wedding colors." I gasped at the juicy orange and electric teal samples.

"Oh, Sweetheart," I lightly chuckled, trying to downplay the seriousness of the situation.

"You know that Mommy is going to pick your wedding colors."

D2 shook her head furiously and an argument ensued. D2 asserted her rights to plan her "own wedding" as I attempted to convince her this was something best left to her loving mother. I could tell I was losing the debate, but that failed to dissuade me from continuing the heated discussion.

Finally, D2 threw up her hands in frustration.

"It doesn't matter," she confessed, "since I'm never getting married anyway."

"What!" I shrieked.

"Of course you will!" I tried to assure her. And myself. I was not ready to let my visions of her gloriously planned wedding slip away so soon.

D2 was silent.

"Love, what would keep you from getting married?" I questioned hesitantly.

With fingers up by her head forming quotes in the air, she replied,

"Duh!"

And then with finger quotes curling, she continued slowly and distinctly,

"Global. Warming."

27 comments:

  1. I totally relate. That's what I'm blaming too.

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  2. I never thought I'd get married either. Then I fell for my best friend in the world. He and I have been married for 25 years now!

    Our wedding was very simple, and in retrospect I really wish we'd had a huge "to-do". I'd be surprised if my daughter ever gets married (she's 24), but if she does? I imagine she's going to do something I would never do. She's just that kind of kid.

    I love this story of you and your daughters. I'll bet you're a great mom!

    Peace - D

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  3. What a loving mom, to take on all the responsiblities of planning and carrying out a wedding. That's a lot of work, but I know you are up for the task. :)

    I think there are still a few years before you have to worry about D2, so she might come round to your thinking.

    Glad to see that you have posted again.

    What would life be without, The Family

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  4. Brian, Brian, Brian,

    The "Global Warming" excuse is not going to fly with me.

    Your most favorite matchmaker ever,
    Debbie

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  5. Riverpoet,

    Thank you for your kind comments. And those 24-year-olds are capable of surprise, and maybe, someday, even marriage.

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  6. Jamie and Julie,

    How sweet that you think D2 will actually agree with me on something someday.

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  7. deep chuckles. d2 is such a crack up.

    i am so glad that you have posted again. i have missed your posts so very much.

    my plans to dress my boys until i can turn them over to their wives have already been dashed. i am holding on where i can, insisting that only pajamas can have a character on them. why must they claim independence?

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  8. Michal,

    What? No Dark Winged Duck rainboots? No Mutant Ninja Turtle warm ups? No Pokemon backbacks?

    What do your children wear?

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  9. TOO funny! I love it! I totally plan on planning Natalie and Sidney's weddings. You are making me think I should have started the brainwashing already- but I have been too busy with the "you will have no boyfriends until you are 23" brainwashing. Parenting is so confusing.

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  10. Christine,

    I like that plan too. And no driving until you are 19, right?

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  11. You, my friend, were born to write.

    The Gamble kids and the McMahon kids would get along famously.

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  12. Over from Authorblog, and this is definitely a worth "Post of the Day." Good job, and thank you so much for making me laugh in my insomniac night. All I can say is... it's those SECOND daughters. Nothing but trouble!

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  13. How cute - the compliant first child, and the free-thinking 2nd. I totally didn't expect that response, but it was priceless. Thanks to Dave for sending me over here - such a good laugh.

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  14. LOL! Over from author blog too. The only future plan I have for my daughter is to sit outside her bedroom door on her 18th birthday at 5am and yell about wanting some water/a cudde/a dummy/general maintenace just so she knows what we've been through. MH

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  15. Too hot, out of the mouth of a potential bride! You need to get an advisor on climate control! ;-)

    I came over here from David's "Authorblog, cngratuatlions on winning Post of the Day! :-)

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  16. Hi! Glad to see you're back posting again. I'll add your link back to my sidebar.

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  17. Hysterical! I guess it's a 'sign of the times'!!

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  18. David,

    How can I ever thank you for your constant support and encouragement?

    Debbie

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  19. Louise,

    You must have a D2 too. They are such a kick! (Even when the steal paint color samples and argue alot.)

    Debbie

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  20. Reluctant -

    I've lived with D2 her entire 9 years of life and that response caught me off guard too!

    Debbie

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  21. M.H.-

    Do ya think it'll work? If so let me know. D2 is a ways off from 18, but for S1 it is just around corner.

    Debbie

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  22. Merisi-

    Climate control. LOL. It brings a whole new meaning to the phrase!

    Debbie

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  23. Hi, popped over from David's.
    That is pretty funny!

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  24. Carrie,

    Thank you for visiting - love your photo!

    Debbie

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  25. So glad you are back. I have missed you. So funny about D2 response on global warming.

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  26. Joanne,

    Glad to be back. It's just part-time right now...

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