Friday, October 3, 2008

Post Dramatic Stress Syndrome

Our family does not have an impressive track record with pets. In fact, we have inadvertantly caused premature death to a quiet helpless lizard, an adorable fluffy Guniea Pig, and countless fish.

Personally, I am tired of the burden of so much death and carnage.  Unfortunately, our lack of ability to keep the few creatures we have cared for, or at least attempted to care for, alive, has not slowed my childrens' intent to continue to beg for more pets. 

Recently D1 has picked up the oral arguments with me on this subject.  Apparently she wanted creatures that belong in lakes and rivers to live in her bedroom more desperately than I originally thought.  In exasperation she finally stomped out of my bedroom.  A little while later, she slipped this under my bedroom door:

Why I Should Have a Fish
by (D1)
  1. It is a great responsibility lesson for me...and my future.
  2. My friend has given me great advise about what fish are easy to take care of and how to take care of them, and she will supply supplies.
  3. I would love the fish like my brothers and sisters and care for them always.
  4. I know where I can get cheap but good fish and I'm willing to keep up with the fish.
  5. I will do my best to find fish that are low maintenance but fun.

If I do not get fish side affects may include, thoughts of suicide, chronic depression, nausea, insomnia, post dramatic stress syndrome, and series of violent mood swings.  A serious but rare side affect may include schizophrenia resulting in multiple personalities and frequent conversations with imaginary objects, people, fish and places.  

If any of these side affects occur, do not operate machinery or perform manual labor of any kind.  If side affects do not lessen with in a few days consult your local Petco store for further advice.


  1. D1 makes a compelling case, based on the side effects alone!

    Get her some fish.

    Or a puppy!

  2. I'm trying to remember the last time I saw a fun fish...

  3. Oh please tell me she's got the fish now. She has SO earned them - especially after exhibiting all that "dramatic stress." That's just priceless.

  4. Debbie, thanks for sharing your fish experience. I can attest to having these types of exchanges with my children. I can see daughter one has some of the writing skills of her mother. Also, I laughed so hard my eyes teared up.

  5. Let D1 know that she is welcome to have "TOBY" (my mini horse) for her new pet. I will be most happy to ship him out to your home at no charge. I will even give her a years supply of oats and hay. Can you tell that TOBY is a hand full as you very well know...

  6. Just for the sense of humor alone, this kid deserves fish!

  7. i love it! those side effects and warnings are brilliant. i love how she also gets herself out of manual labor if these side effects do occur.

  8. b.,

    She got water frogs. And for that I SHOULD be awarded mother-of-the year.


  9. DB-

    Doncha know when you are feamle and 13, everything is measured in degrees of fun.

    The mall = Tons of fun
    Homework = No fun
    Talking about Boys = Tons of fun
    Chores = No fun

    Get the picture?

  10. Hilary,

    You are sounding like you may have a case of dramatic stress yourself. Sorry no fish.

  11. J & J -
    Can't wait to show this to her in a few years. Quite sure that she think post dramatic stress is a real ailment.

  12. Joanne,

    If I refuse to let fish live in my abode, do you really think I'm going to go for Toby? Maybe we can ship D1 out to you instead. Now...there's an idea...checking Orbitz now...

  13. Suldog,

    She deserves no such thing. Have you seen her bedroom? Or her report card? She can barely care for herself, let alone helpless fish. Still not sure why I agreed to the water frogs.

  14. Michal,

    Ah yes. You caught that? Mmm hummm. She is brilliant. Or at least she thinks so.

  15. D1 is sooo sophisticated! She is going to be like her mom.


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.