Holy Guacamole!

10:15 A.M. - I begin loading the dishwasher as D3, who is freshly changed and dressed for the day, is in her high chair finishing breakfast.

10:21 A.M. - "Mom," D2 interjects, "Where did D3 get guacomole?"

I glance over at D3 who has wiggled out of her belt fastener and is standing in her high chair with a greenish, creamy, slighly clumpy, glob on her hand.

Let me just say that while the resemblance was uncanny, it was not guacamole. And I have no plans for eating Mexican for lunch.

10:22 A.M. - I begin a major diaper overhaul on D3.

10:45 A.M. - The "guacamole" outfit is rinsed and placed in the washing machine.

11:05 A.M. - The "guacamole" baby is given a bath and redressed for the day.

11:45 A.M. - We were right back where we started.

Only now it was time to consider what was for lunch. And the dishwasher was still not loaded. And this is why I get nothing noticeably accomplished in a day.

Kate Comes to Us From The Date

Kate AKA Jessica Biel

Many of you have been asking for an update on my sister Kim and The Date. I am sorry to report that as far as these things go, this one appears to be moving about as fast as a hundred year old tortoise. Hence, there is not much of anything to say.

Of course, it is important to recognize that Grettir and Kim had only one brief blind date just hours before she flew 1893 miles away, so what can we expect? She barely had time to recover from the shock that Grettir was an intelligent, personable, hunky human. And then she vanished. Like the money in my checking account.

But thankfully, the entire experience was not in vain. As a result of this little afternoon tryst, I have a new BFF: Kate. Kate may not be aware that she and I are BFFs, but after reading this, she'll be officially clued in. I "met" Kate as she is the loquacious friend of Grettir. And if you read the Comments of this blog, then you to know a little bit about Kate. Probably more than you want to know. And that is what makes Kate so endearing.

As far as I can tell she and I are two peas in a pod. She loves pink and purple and fuchsia. I am a red, black, white, dark brown and sometimes grey or green fan. So see, we both have favorite colors. She has a family of kitten children and I have a brood of human children. And the similarities do not stop there! Of course, I am not aware of any more similarities at this time, but I'm sure as we become even better BFFs we'll figure them out.

So while Grettir is rethinking Chili's versus a pancake establishment for his one and only date with Kim, I can rest in peace knowing at least someone got something out of the whole experience.

A Cold Shoulder Welcome

I am pleased to introduce you to Trevor, my six-year old nephew from Phoenix, Arizona. This was our exchange yesterday as he climbed into my car at the Salt Lake International Airport.

Trevor: Boy is it good to be here!

Me: Really? Why's that?

Trevor: Because at my house it is cookin'.

I glanced at the car thermometer to confirm that it was a brisk 101 degrees Fahrenheit.

What Does Google Ad Sense See In My Legs?

Should I be offended or frightened that on the day I post some pictures of myself this is the Google Ad Sense ad?

Utah Vein Doctor
Utah Vein Center Can Eliminate Varicose Veins Quickly and Safely
http://www.utahveincenter.com/

What makes Google Ad Sense think such an ad is "relevant to (my) audience" or my "site content"?

Travel to NYC in A.R.?

August, 1 B.R. - Taking the Jet Blue red eye to NYC.

I woke DH up so I could take this picture of us. Isn't he a sport?

May, 3 B.R. - DH and me in Central Park.

May, 3 B.R. - The Lady and me.

August, 2 B.R. - DH can't take his eyes off of me long enough for a picture of us at our favorite Italian restaurant in New York City.

I have told our friends that as DH and I look back on our life together it is timed much like the world is timed. The world's time is based on the pivotal event of Jesus Christ. Hence, B.C. = Before Christ and A.D. = Anno Domini, or since Christ was born.

In the world of Debbie and DH the pivotal time in our lives was not the birth of a child or graduation from college. Our pivotal time is entering the restaurant business. Hence our time is denoted as B.R. and A.R. Which is to say B.R. = Before Restaurants and A.R. = After Restaurants.

For example, we were married 15 B.R., or 15 years before entering the restaurant business. We traveled to NYC for the first time together in 4 B.R. We returned in 3 B.R., twice in 2 B.R. and finally again in 1 B.R. It is now 2 A.R. and we haven't been back to The Greatest City in the World. For those of you not historians or math majors that equals three years.

For the most part, I try not to think about my sad travel budget that currently prohibits such excursions. But just when I'm over it, someone has to brag about their upcoming trip to The Greatest City in the World.

Then I am once again reminded that I will not cross the Brooklyn Bridge to enjoy a romantic dinner with DH where I would dine on Tuna with Tomatoes, Scallions and Capers here. Nor will I indulge in a Chocolate Croissant here. I won't be able to try to make up for the fattening breakfast by eating my favorite salad here. While the tourists fight the crowd at Carmine's, I won't spend an evening happily dining at the best Italian restaurant in Manhattan instead.

And it is just not all about the food.

DH won't be able to make me go here. Again. And we won't literally, and I truly mean literally, as in all text messaging overused lingo aside, be rolling on the floor laughing at Lucille Ball. Where she would be boxing in her kitchen during a hilarious old television show that we will not be personally choosing for our viewing...pleasure is so understated...at this little known secret place.

There will be no window shopping for me here or for DH at any jeweler savvy enough to carry these. I'll miss a ride on this, which we always take. Not because we necessarily want to see her again, although its nice. Nor is it because we really want to go here. Mostly we do it because it is free.

Since I won't be buying an airline ticket, I guess I'll go do some more laundry and try to sound sincere when I wish her a safe trip as she travels to The Greatest City in the World in August, 2 A.R.

My Wife Kind of Panicked?

Jason Platt of Lehi, Utah went hiking last Thursday. When it was 10 PM and he was not home yet, his concerned wife called search and rescue. Despite helicopters flying overhead and searchers screaming his name, he was not found. Until he walked out of the canyon himself the next morning.

"I got caught in a storm and took a sleeping pill, spent the night up there and then came back this morning." Platt explained. The sleeping pill, he happened to have in his day pack, made the whole helicopter-overhead-and-screaming-his-name search an obviously fruitless activity.

"My wife kind of panicked," he added, "And called search and rescue."

It was 10 PM. Her husband was untold hours late from an afternoon hike. He was not answering his cell phone. It was pitch dark and had been very stormy. What sort of loving, caring wife calls search and rescue for that? She is clearly a real jump-the-gun kind of worry wart.

Like when a pipe in the basement bursts and the water is knee-high. I bet his wife kind of panics and calls a plumber.

Or when the dog is hit by a car and is limping and bleeding all over. Most certainly she kind of panics and calls the veterinarian.

When she has a searing tooth ache for a week, do you think she kind of panics and calls the dentist? I bet she does.

Of course, she could have presumed him face down and dead on some mountain side, planned his funeral, and went out and bought a new car with his life insurance pay out.

I Am an Overeager Wishful Thinking Goofball

Setting: Friday, August 3, 2007 12:15 PM in my laundry room in Orem, UT. I am still unshowered for the day. With a baby in one arm, I am trying to fold the tenth load of laundry for the week when my cell phone rings sharply.

Me (answering the ringing phone): Hello.

Kim: Hi, its me.

Me (smiling thoughtfully): Hey, How are you?

Kim (hurriedly with words running together): Great can you do me a favor? The Internet is down at my work which is a real pain, because I have personal things that need to be done.

Me (walking down the hall to my desk): Okay...

Kim: I need you to buy a plane ticket for me.

Me (thinking there is nothing more in this world that I want than for Kim to move her three children and all her personal belongings to the land of Utah and marry a nice man): Ooooh? Where are you going?

Kim (sarcastically): I'm coming to Utah to see that guy.

Me (giddy with delight and confusion): No way! Really? Are you kidding me? You are kidding me. Oh my gosh are you serious? You aren't serious.

Kim (interrupting with a shot of realism): Of course I'm not serious. I need to buy a plane ticket for _____ -.

In this blank one should place the first real name of Grettir, which I am unable to do because that name is a secret. So lets pretend it is Don.

So now that you are up to speed let's rewind....

Kim (interrupting with a shot of realism): Of course I'm not serious. I need to buy a plane ticket for Don---

S2 (simultaneously speaking in my other ear - the one not super glued to the cell phone): Mom, what's for lunch?

Me (ignoring my hungry child altogether and interrupting a little too soon): Don!? What the heck? Are you kidding me? What is going on? On my gosh! You're not serious.

Kim (slowly and clearly): Debbie. I don't need a ticket for Don. I need one for Don-na. Donna my niece. She's coming to watch my kids next week.

Me (weakly): Oh... (moment of awkward silence) You know S2 was talking and so you cut out. So all I heard was...

Kim (not really caring to hear the story): Uh huh.

Me: That is kinda funny - their names and all, huh?

Kim (annoyed): Sure.

(More silence.)

Me (getting down to business, placing the baby on the floor and double clicking Internet Explorer icon on the computer): Will Donna - emphasis on the feminine. The uh. Will she be flying Delta, or some other airline?