As It Turns Out...

S1 is a few weeks away from getting his driver's license. This has caused the typical parental concerns for DH and I as we attempt to teach him to drive. Suffice it to say driving does not come naturally to some.

We have been riding with him as he practices for several months. By now I am fairly prepared when I enter the front passenger seat of the car. The first thing after buckling my seat belt is to assume The Position.

When I was learning to drive, my mother assumed The Position which involved sticking both arms straight out against the dash and shutting her eyes as tightly as humanly possible. Then whenever she felt a subtle turn or stop, she'd let out a scream. Short but loud.

For S1, I have modified The Position somewhat. Basically I scoot to the far edge of my seat away from the side door and window. And there I am posed with one leg slightly raised and crossed over. I wince periodically as we graze trees, mailboxes, bikers, children, and cars lining the side of the road.

I often find myself panting and frantically waving my hand in a sideways flipping manner to indicate the direction S1 needs to move the car. Scrunching my forehead and squinting my eyes doesn't do anything to correct the car placement either. And jumping into the driver's seat for fear of my right arm being sliced off whatever obstacle is presently along the roadside has not been helpful.

So I've gone to silent chantings in order to hopefully help S1 with this struggle, "Feel the road, be one with the road, drive on the road. The gutter is not our friend." And it is gradually working.

The driving skill S1 and I are concentrating on this week is turns. Inevitably S1 will be halfway out in the intersection, still looking left for oncoming traffic before he finally determines that in fact it may be safe to proceed with a right hand turn. And since he is sitting in the middle of the road with no oncoming cars hitting him, it is an accurate assessment of the situation. Even though the conclusion is a long time in coming.

But since at this point S1 has not even begun to turn the wheel he ends up swinging out into oncoming traffic with the turn. Of course, all the while he is risking someone coming up alongside his right-hand side and making the same turn while in the very lane S1 should be himself.

I have remedied this with one simple phrase: "Turning is a process not an event." Gone is the screaming, lunging of my head in the direction I wish the car was going, and, of course, the ill-fated, grabbing of the steering wheel. It has all been supplanted with the simple message, "Turning is a process, son, not an event."

So while S1 enjoys turning 16 and turning the girls' heads, I silently remind myself it will not be over very soon. After all turning is a process, not an event.

We Learned Much Things

If you were to objectively review any given day, you may be surprised at how much you learn in a brief 24 hour period. You may find, as my privately schooled friend (as in 4 years at a private high school and 4 years at a prestigious private university) said just yesterday evening, “We learned much things.”

And he is right. We all have learned much things. I learned much new things on Friday alone. A few are listed below:

1. Sleep apnea machines, while they should not be a laughing matter, can provide an excellent source of merriment. If you ever require the use of one, don’t be shy. Try it on and wear it when you sleep or even when you read or watch television. Oh, and be sure to opt for the jock strap/mouth closure accessory as well. I understand that it is an extra $26 well spent.

2. While some may believe it to only be an old wives’ tale, it truly is illegal to deface money. By doing so you could incur a fine and a 6 month prison sentence. I confirmed this when researching the penalties D2 may face if caught by the feds. She received a two dollar bill from Grandma for Easter. But since all her siblings received one as well, she wanted to make sure, if hers was misplaced, no one else could claim it as their own. A fine and six months in the clanker - isn't that a harsher punishment than most first time-offender drug dealers face?

3. Dog food is “not good for you, but is also not toxic.” I learned this little nugget after calling Utah Poison Control. I called the emergency number because D3 considers keeping the dog bowl behind closed pantry doors a terrible inconvenience. At the tender age of 10 months she has learned to watch for the moment someone leaves the pantry door slightly ajar and seize the opportunity for some snack time.

It’s surprising to realize the knowledge all around you, just for the taking. So as you go through your day, be sure to take notice of the much things you learn too.