You've seen the posters pasted to the sides of buses, mounted on the walls of school lunchrooms, or featured on the back covers of magazines. They highlight an unbelievably famous and beautiful person with a milk mustache. On the latest ads, the headline reads something like, "Country by Carrie. Body by Milk." So even though I've seen these ads a few hundred times before, today I stopped to dream. I pictured me up on one of those posters. And I wondered, "What would my one word be?" My one word like Carrie's "Country."Have I mentioned what an incredible dancer I am? I've been compared to some pretty famous people including Elaine from Seinfeld. But Beyonce Knowles already took "Moves." So I spent a fair amount of time reviewing my other talents and crossing off those already taken by the hot milk-bodied stars.
I thought about what I do best, what I do everyday, and what I do more than anyone else. Do you know what I came up with? Laundry. In case you don't run in my circles, among my people (which includes DH, S1, D1, S2, D2, and D3) it is what I am most famous for. If D1 wants a dress washed for a special occasion, does she take it to her dad or her brother? Nope. To me. She brings it straight to me. Or at least throws it generally in my direction, mumbling something about its state of cleanliness, or lack thereof, and a deadline. If S2 can't find a pair of matching socks, does he search the sock basket or his top drawer? Nope again. He comes to me. Often with a whine and look of disgust, but nevertheless, I am the first and last, actually I am the only contact for laundry. Making me undeniably famous for laundry.
I came up with "Laundry" only after souful deliberation. I seriously considered other talents of mine, and a close second was my superior athletic ability. Let me just say, I didn't play third string on the Jr. High JV volleyball team at a 1A school because of my looks. But ARod's already got his "Blast." Actually, he's got quite a hunky milk body too.
Which I guess brings me back to the reality that despite my fame for laundry, my body would never qualify me for one of those milk ad campaigns. "And why is that?" you ask. Well, if I had to pick just one food item (and there are many every day to pick from, which is another part of the problem), I'd have to confess, mine is a Body by Cookies. Apparently, bodies made by cookies don't look quite as good as bodies made by milk. Even when you dip the cookies in the milk, somehow it just isn't the same.
But if my Body by Cookies looked as good as a Body by Milk, then my poster would read, "Laundry by Debbie. Body by Cookies." Can you picture it? I like it. It's me.
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